July 7, 2012

"See, I have written your name on the palms of my hands." Isaiah 49:16a (NLT)

I love it when you run across a verse just flipping through the Bible looking for something else. 
I have seen this verse hundreds of times, but it really gave me a smack today and I could literally hear a little voice inside my head say, "PAY ATTENTION TO THIS."  God wants to be involved in EVERY aspect of our lives.  Even our weight struggles.  A God who who knows every wrong thing I have ever done adores me enough to write MY name on the palm of his hand.  It is an amazing, glorious, freeing thing to realize God has done this.  He really sees us, cares about us, and knows us by name, right....where....we.....are.

Friends, this is shoutin' stuff!! I have literally been a slave to dieting since the tender age of 10 when I was on my first high protein diet.  To this day a boiled egg or boiled chicken breast turns my stomach. 

I do not know why it took me this many years to turn my weight struggle over to Him.  I am also turning over my people-pleaser tendencies to Him, which I am starting to see added to my weight problem.  Keep saying yes, keep doing, keep seeking approval in everyone, and please do not ever say no for fear of disappointing someone.  Instead be a disappointment to yourself and stuff those feelings down with food.  This is very twisted and very wrong; yet I did it. 

I even caught myself doing it today at Fritsch's.  We went there for brunch.  I ordered the big chicken caesar salad sans croutons and cheese, with the dressing on the side.  When it arrived, a huge mounded platter of salad topped with grilled chicken breast, I was very glad to have it.  I was hungry!  The first piece of chicken I put into my mouth was so dried out I had to chew for a very long time and use my drink to wash it down.  Then I discovered the beautiful platter of lettuce was slimy and rotten underneath.  Instead of complaining, I kept my mouth shut and when the server came to the table to ask if I wanted a box for mine, I just said no.  I did not say anything to her.  Miss Nice.  Did not want to say anything or make anyone, including myself, be uncomfortable.  So I paid $7.95 for something that was inedible.  When we left Big Boy I immediately thought, "A Mocha Moo Latte would taste great right now."  Of course, It would take over half of my daily food points, but I wanted that comfort food.  My spirit was checked.  I would have felt SO much better if I had just told the server the problem with the salad.  The fact that I even realized it BEFORE I headed to DQ to buy that Moo Latte is a miracle. 

I am an onion in this process and daily the Holy Spirit is peeling back the layers and revealing new levels of "stuff" I had never thought of before.

This is my prayer:

Dear Lord, I am constantly amazed at how great You are and how insignificant to you I should be.  Yet, still You remember me.  It is amazing that You not only remember me, but You love me and care for me, enough to engrave me on Your hand. Thank You for loving me that much.   Help me remember this truth on the days where I feel forgotten, unloved, and wanting to turn to food.