I lost another 2 pounds. That is 4.4 pounds in 2 weeks which I am totally happy with. I will no longer be defined by the number on the scale and I am going to amp my activity WAY up this week. I know that God is in control and with Him this is very doable. Small goals. I am going to walk, and eventually want to run. I want to train to run a 5 K. With God's help I can do it.
All of my past self-hate and what I perceived as letting God down, little did I know until very recently that he loves me where I am, AS I am. Now, my first reaction is to wallow in self-pity for the past. All of the lost time that I can never get back. But I refuse to give in to the "coulda, shoulda, wouldas." I have today and I will choose to crave God OVER food every day. There are struggles still. I now realize this "food addiction" was much worse than I ever wanted to admit that it was. But last week when faced with PMS (sorry for any fellas reading this but I have to be honest), and I thought I "needed" salty and crunchy and almost felt like I would die without it, that was a real wakeup call and a HUGE problem. In that moment, I valued myself so little that if I would have had a whole bag of potato chips here I would have eaten every crunchy salt chip right down to the crumbs in the corners of that bag. How did I get through that, you ask? I prayed and prayed and prayed. The feeling eventually passed. And I am no better than the people on that show "Intervention" except that instead of cocaine or meth, my drug of choice is food.
No longer will I numb myself. I will allow myself to feel and work through those feelings as God continues to peel back those layers until I am stripped of all of the junk that has been piling on for years. Will I feel lighter? I really think I will. No matter what the number on the scale is.......
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